This Love Was Never Meant To Be
by Cherry Picking Poser
Summary: Germany ponders who he loves better: Herr Stick or Italy? Crack!fanfic.


**My 2nd fanfic! This one is full of crack. A crack pairing one-shot. Main pairings are GermanyxHerr Stick & GermanyxItaly. Please enjoy~ I don't own anything!**

It had been a long day. Germany had yet again attempted to teach Italy war methods but yet again he failed again. For the rest of the day at his house, Germany read many manuals of 'How to Teach Italians War Methods' series while eating some wurst. He skillfully occupied his older brother Prussia with many games that contained all his favorite things: wurst, beer, blogs, and chicks. And no, not the chicks, as in girls, but the chicks as in the animal ones. He had rushed into his room with all his Gilbirds in tow, and had spent all day playing the games.

"Herr Stick?" Germany called. He reached for the beautiful stick that laid by his side. This stick had helped him meet Italy, where he had met him hiding in a tomato crate. He sighed happily and looked around carefully. Then he brought the stick to his lips, and gave it a quick kiss. He then hugged it and spoke serenading words into its ear-er, I mean, branches, and then began dancing with it.

It was in that exact moment his doorbell rang. He jumped and gave a *ahem* rather manly scream. (Not.) He put Herr Stick carefully on the table and promised he would dance with it later. He cleared his throat and strode to the door and opened it. "Germany~ Hi!" Italy cried, bouncing up and down on his doorstep. "Italy! What are you doing here?" Germany asked. He felt his cheeks heat up a little. "I wanted to visit you, of course! Oh! And apologize for not being able to throw a grenade correctly, again, ve~" Italy said. He looked sadly at Germany with his sparkling puppy-dog eyes.

"I'll try to do better tomorrow, ok? Ve~" Italy said, suddenly bouncing up and down. "Uh, alright, do your best then," Germany said, rubbing his hair. Italy noticed the stick on the table. "Oh, Germany!~ What's this?~" Italy asked, picking it up waving it around as if it was one of his surrender flags. "Careful! That's Herr Stick!" Germany cried, rushing over to Italy. "Eh? Is there something wrong with this stick?" Italy said, suddenly looking worried. "Well…actually…I have some sort of _affair_ with this stick, its name is Herr Stick, formally." Germany replied, looking sheepish and gazing at the floor.

Italy looked confused for a second. "Oh! Ve~ You mean, that you got this stick as a prize from a fair, right?" Italy said, punching his fist with finality. "Uh…" Germany said. "Can you excuse me for a moment?" Italy looked at Germany with his wide, dopey smile. "Sure!~"

Germany went into the bathroom and had brought in tow with him, Herr Stick. He gazed at Herr Stick with a sad, longing look. "Herr Stick, I do have feelings for you but…" Germany started. _What are these feelings I have for Italy? _He couldn't say those words to his dear Herr Stick. He gave Herr Stick another kiss. He then gave it a huge embrace after. And for some weird reason, Germany got knocked out.

When he awoke, he was in some sort of hazy, pink wonderland. The mysterious place was sprinkled with many blinding sparkles. A figure appeared, wearing what looked like a Halloween witch costume. "W-who could you be..?" Germany asked. "I am the Overseer of All Things Uncertain and Hazy," the figure replied. Germany could see the witch-lady looked kind of like Hungary from her hair and the flower clip. But her voice was w_aaaaaaayyy_ deeper than hers. Hmm… "So, might I ask, why am I here, Ms. Overseer?" Germany asked.

"That's a simple question you are having mixed feelings with your love interests, yes? Italy and Herr Stick to be exact." Ms. Overseer replied. Germany blinked. "How do you know that?" Ms. Overseer chuckled heartily.

"I CAN READ YOUR MIND~" Ms. Overseer roared, twirling her fingers around. Germany soon decided this lady was really crazy. "Alright, back to the subject, I will make you realize who is supposed to be in your heart," Ms. Overseer said, hitting her chest. "Um, ok," Germany said uncertainly, what the Overseer said was right, he didn't know who was rightfully supposed to have his heart. "First, we will bring the first opponent," Ms. Overseer announced. She clicked her fingers and out popped Herr Stick, wearing a beautiful, frilly pink princess dress. Atop its head was a shiny matching pink tiara.

"Herr Stick-! Is that you?" Germany squeaked. (And Germany does not squeak unless it is something serious like this matter of course.) "Yes, it's me, Germany, don't I look beautiful?" Herr Stick spoke.

Germany's eyes nearly popped out of his eye sockets. "Herr Stick, you can speak?" Herr Stick nodded. "Sadly, only in your dreams or knockouts." Germany didn't get what Herr Stick at all. "So, you're a girl? By the dress you're wearing.." Germany said. "Yup, is there something wrong with that?" Herr Stick asked, touching the collar of her dress. "No…" Germany replied, still confused as to where he was.

"Where am I exactly?"

"You are in Pink Cotton Candy Land of the Questions and Answers."

_What kind of place is named like that?_ Germany thought to himself. And also he added a few swearwords here and there.

"Then what about Italy?" Germany asked. "Here he is!~" Ms. Overseer said. A pink poof came out of nowhere and suddenly Germany saw Italy wearing the most elegant wedding dress in the world, complete with a frilly white veil dappled with cloth roses. Germany then did the most appropriate thing we fangirls/fanboys will do next: have an epic waterfall of a nosebleed.

Italy looked at Germany with major concern. "Germany? What's wrong? Why are you bleeding through your nose?" Italy asked, his gloved hands flying to his chest. "N-n-nothing, I would never think you would wear something like that, Italy," Germany said, gasping from his blood loss. Italy twirled around in the wedding dress, saying, "What do you think, Germany? I think the dress is really cute!~ H-I mean, Ms. Overseer picked it out just for me!~"

Herr Stick squealed. "Oh, Italy!~ You look so cute, if I was Germany, I would pick you to be my bride!~" Germany stared at Herr Stick. He had some sort of love for her, but the love was merely like over-loving your lolicon sister, there is sometimes when you go a little far there…and that's what type of love Germany was showing to Herr Stick. He never knew he would remember the term 'lolicon' in the first place, since it was an Otaku jargon term Japan had taught him one day.

"I have decided." Germany said with finality. "I think I'm in love with…" Herr Stick was leaning in from suspense while Italy stood confused in his dress. "Italy…" Germany said softly, blushing brightly. He looked down at the swirling haze gathering at his feet. "YES….!" Ms. Overseer cried, happily. She was trembling from joy. And a slight nosebleed was coming out. "Ve~? You chose me, Germany? I don't know what to say…thanks though," Italy said, feeling his cheeks that were bright red.

"Alright!~ Decisions cannot be changed!~ I'm happy for you, Germany, live a happy life with Italy and still please be my friend!" Herr Stick said. "Of course, Herr Stick," Germany said, nodding. "Ok! Good~" Herr Stick said. "Then, bye-bye!~" Herr Stick gave a hard blow to Germany's head and Germany fell into darkness once again.

Germany awoke on the toilet seat, and Herr Stick was still in his arms. Someone was knocking on his bathroom door. "Germany~ Germany~ Is something wrong? You've been in there for a while! Do you want me to bring you some medicine? Ve~ Please answer me, Germany!~" Italy was saying. "I'm fine, don't worry, Italy," Germany replied. "Ve!~ Thank goodness!" Italy cried. Germany unlocked the door and Italy flung his body onto Germany.

"H-h-hey, what are you doing, Italy?"

"Ve~ I just want to hug you, Germany!~"

"F-f-fine, just for a little bit, ok?"

"Alright! Ve~"

Italy was going upstairs to go see Prussia while Germany placed Herr Stick outside. "I promise we'll dance later, ok? Right after I spend some time with Italy," Germany said, reassuring his stick. He stared at it for a while and it looked like she approved. He closed the door. Just then, Flying Mint Bunny came by with some of his fairy friends and Minty noticed Herr Stick lying on Germany's porch. "I think I'm in LOVE!" cried Minty, his eyes turning into pink hearts. "Oh?~ Who's this love you see?" his fairy friends ask. "That stick! It's too beautiful not to miss!" Minty cried. "Hope she'll accept you! Sticks are rather hard to get y'know!" Pixie, one of his fairy friends said. "I'll use me charm!" Minty said.

Just a moment later, Minty came back in the air and had Herr Stick in tow. "She's a softie! She fell for me instantly!" Minty explained. Herr Stick blushed. "His tactics were too cute to pass up!" "Well, let's get to know each other while we fly back to England's place, ok?~" the fairies said. "Sure!" replied Herr Stick.

Meanwhile, Germany was back to reading his manuals while Italy played video games with Prussia. Then Germany suddenly remembered he promised Herr Stick he would dance with her. "Herr Stick?" he called from the porch. The stick was gone. "Where'd you go?" Italy came up behind him. "What's wrong, Germany?" he asked. "I left Herr Stick here, but now she's gone," Germany said. "I'm sure she'll turn up soon, that always happens with me and my underwear," Italy said. Germany looked away as Italy said this. He was starting to get a headache.

"Hey, Germany!~ Wanna have dinner with me?" Italy asked. "Sure," Germany replied. And for the rest of the night they camped out on a grassy hill watching a lovey-dovey sunset while Italy cooked pasta on a pot and looking for constellations that were shaped like pasta. Germany enjoyed the sunset and the star constellations Italy talked about. They enjoyed the night together like that.

Meanwhile at England's place…

"Hey, England!~ We're back!~ Minty said flying around his owner. "Aww, Flying Mint Bunny! It's so great to see you again! You brought your fairy friends too, nice to se you guys again, Pixie, Dust, and Lolli! Oh, what's that stick for, Minty?" England said. "My WAIFU~" Minty exclaimed.

"W-w-what…?"

What indeed, England. What indeed.

The End.

**What do you think of it? Please comment and rate! :D**


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